11:11

old love,

2011-02-23T10:16:00.000+07:00

old love.

hello, my dear old love.

you know that i love you still,
though i've been playing around for a while,
for couples of time.

you know that i would come back,
though i've been gone far away,
in a matter of time.

unlike my other loves;
you stood still,
you didn't change,
even when i am not myself,

yet you would smile sincerely
and catch me back in your arms.

dream.

2011-01-03T14:30:00.001+07:00

dream.

so tell me,
how do you interpret
and translate
your dream?

"what am i to you?"

2010-11-09T20:47:00.001+07:00

"what am i to you?"

i said.

"you are me, i am you."

happy.

2010-09-20T00:46:00.004+07:00

happy.

we deserve to be happy.
with every step we took,
with every decision we made,
with or without each other.

a face called lace.

2010-09-04T12:20:00.002+07:00

a face called lace.

baby.

2010-08-18T08:59:00.005+07:00

baby.

there was this small boy who lived in a small village.
he was unlike the other boys.
he lived in his own world.

one day,
when he was on the way home from his school
he saw a beautiful kite flying with no direction.
he wanted to ignore it but he could not.
this kite was unlike the other kites.
as if it came from the other world.

so the boy followed the lost kite.
until it got caught on the high tree branches.
he hesitated, "should i climb to get it or forget it?"
but then he decided, he climbed for it.

he was so happy now he got the kite.
he played with it all time.
he was happy and happier.
he told about his kite to his friends,
"this is the kite i've been wanting for."
but one of them said,
"i've seen this kite before and i think it's not yours, isn't it?"
"i found it and now it's mine," the boy said.
"but if it's not yours, you shouldn't have taken it."
but the boy did not listen to them.

for quite a long time, the boy played with the kite.
before the strong wind broke the string,
and let the kite flew with no direction once again.
the boy ran and followed the kite.
but he was not alone,
there was another boy who ran after the kite.

a deja vu.
the kite got caught in the tree branches.

"leave it alone! the kite is mine!" said the boy.
"it was mine long before you took it, and now i'm getting it back!" said the other boy.
so they ran as fast as they could,
and climbed the tree as fast as they could.
but right in the middle,
the boy fell over the tree,
letting the other boy won his kite back.

the boy went home with injured body and tears on his eyes.
what hurt him the most was not his bleeding wound,
but the pain of losing his precious kite.

all his friends pitied him.
they tried to comfort him,
"it's just a kite. don't worry, you'll find a new one."
"yeah, it's a just kite, nothing special with it."
"that was a bad one."
"yeah, that was a really bad one."

they gave bad comments about the kite,
so the boy would not be sad.
so the boy would not want the kite anymore.

"yeah, what's so good about the kite, anyway?" the boy said.

your eyes (talk).

2010-08-16T13:31:00.002+07:00

your eyes (talk).

your eyes talk.
but i hardly can differentiate,
the truth and the lies
behind your beautiful eyes.

hide.

2010-08-13T09:20:00.004+07:00

hide.

with you.

2010-08-03T10:04:00.006+07:00

with you.

most likely to ignore.

2010-07-23T12:44:00.001+07:00

most likely to ignore.

when you told me you missed me,
i smiled,
sadly.
i would probably ignore you,
but i didn't.
in my deepest heart
i did admit,
that i missed you as much as you did.
but in the end,
i didn't say anything,
not even "i miss you too."
although i knew
you were hoping me to say the same thing too.

(reblogged from my previous blog)

suicide.

2010-07-14T17:39:00.002+07:00

suicide.

unlike every morning we had passed by,
you gave me a wake up kiss.
before i finally could open my eyes,
you were already there,
standing beside the window,
as the morning light tried to peek from behind the white curtains.
"wake up, my dear. today is a big day," you said.
you looked at me with a sad smile.
"mmm...really? what day is today?" i said.
"it's just...today," you said.
that sad smile again.
it took me a while before i realised that we weren't at our room.
our room was cramped and messy, but it was so cozy.
this room i woke up in, was all white and spacious.
it felt so cold and sad, ah, just like your smile.
"where are we?" i said.
"don't worry...we don't have to think anymore, dear," you said.
i didn't understand what you were saying,
until i heard your next line:
"i'm so glad we decided to commit suicide."

li(f)e.

2010-07-01T11:21:00.003+07:00

i love you with all my li(f)e.

"i love you with all my life."

and i love you with all my lie.

nothing/everything

2010-06-23T11:36:00.005+07:00

when everything is nothing,
when nothing is everything.

I
"are you happy?" you said.
"you think so?" i said.
"i hope so. i've done everything just to make you happy," you said.

II
"are you happy?" you said.
"you think so?" i said.
"i don't know. i think i have done nothing that could make you happy," you said.

randomness and you.

2010-06-08T14:48:00.003+07:00

randomness and you.

randomness works in mysterious yet magical way.

aren't we agreed to that? :)

the end.

2010-05-28T20:53:00.003+07:00

the end.

2010-05-14T14:42:00.002+07:00

the pillow thoughts.

we used to sleep happily next to each other.
do you remember?
the pillow talks,
the laughter,
the good night kisses,
we would fall asleep with holding hands,
face to face.

we used to sleep happily next to each other.
do you remember?
the less pillow talks,
the rare laughter,
no good night kisses,
we would fall asleep without holding hands.
back to back.

we used to sleep happily next to each other.
but you don't remember.
and what's the point of sleeping next to you,
if i could no longer reach you?

happiness is nothing.

2010-05-04T15:32:00.001+07:00

happiness is boring.

you're happy now, but what's next?

...

there is nothing beyond happiness.

alice never comes on time.

2010-04-13T10:27:00.002+07:00

alice never comes on time.

you're late again, alice.
the end of the world has just begun.
and there's nowhere left to run.

happiness.

2010-04-01T10:34:00.001+07:00

happiness.

foulmate.

2010-03-19T23:35:00.002+07:00

foulmate.

a name

2010-02-14T19:09:00.007+07:00

a name.

oh how i love the way you call my full name,
instead of my nickname.

dear conscience.

2010-02-06T11:41:00.003+07:00

dear conscience.

i'm talking to myself.
well, who doesn't?

kataku.

2010-01-27T09:58:00.003+07:00

kataku.

a vow (not) to believe.

2010-01-13T14:13:00.003+07:00

a vow (not) to believe.

darling,
i know you have asked me to,
but there's a thing before i say i do.

will you still open the door for me before you let me in?
will you still pick me up even on your busiest night?
will you still text or call just to say you miss me?

will you stay the same?
and,

will you love me forever?

drops.

2009-12-31T10:06:00.003+07:00

drops.

o yellowish sky, here i am.
ready to fall.
embrace the warm clouds,
and melt as your raindrops.

a picture.

2009-12-14T14:27:00.002+07:00

a picture.

"i've been waiting for you for a long time," opening the door, he said.
"please come inside!"

i stared hesitantly.

"you're not planning to stay here forever, are you?"
as if he could read my mind, he asked.

i shooked my head.
there was this silence.

"or maybe, a cup of coffee?" he asked.

"tea, please. i don't drink coffee anymore," i said.

"then tea it is..." he smiled and welcoming me inside.

his house interior changed pretty much i barely recognised it.

"sit down, please!" he said.

i sat on this comfy new couch but didn't expect i would see something familiar on the wall.

a picture.
a very old one.

"how could our picture end up hanging on your wall?" i asked.

he smiled, "so that we remember, we once belonged to each other."

oh.
i should have made things clear before.
i didn't come this far for a reconcilement.
i just happened heading on this direction,
and suddenly here i rang your door.

no talking while eating.

2009-12-07T17:36:00.002+07:00

no talking while eating.

now, let's just sit in front of each other.
and enjoy the meal.
silently.
mind reads. eyes talk.
you keep something in your lips,
looking so restless.
desperate to find a way,
and that's why i read your mind.
i put finger on my lips.
"ssh..!"
you know the rules.
we're not talking until we've finished eating.
so, let's just sit back in our chair quietly.
this is probably our last dinner together.

(re-edit and reblogged from my previous blog)

the science of sleep.

2009-12-03T10:56:00.003+07:00

the science of sleep.

dreams are magical.
a dream is the place where i start.
a dream is where,
where my heart is.

my most favourite movie of all time.
The Science of Sleep (2006)
starring Gael García Bernal, Charlotte Gainsbourg
directed by Michel Gondry

Stéphanie: Why me?

Stephane: Because everyone else is boring. And because you're different. You don't like me, Stéphanie.

memoirs.

2009-11-05T17:07:00.003+07:00

memoirs.

i was interviewed by FUR MAGAZINE and some of my works were published too.
here's the link if you are interested in seeing how it looks.
i'm in page 34-43 by the way.

cheers,

words/sword

2009-10-12T11:26:00.001+07:00

words/sword.

words is my sword.
i 'll kill you with words instead of sword.

a dream that is not a dream.

2009-09-11T13:26:00.004+07:00

a dream that is not a dream.

it's too sad when i can only see you in my dream.

*featuring a-5-minutes-only doodle*

eleven past eleven.

2009-08-25T23:41:00.004+07:00

eleven past eleven.

you were me.
i were you.
but you're not even that same person anymore.

hello,

2009-08-03T15:29:00.000+07:00

hello,

i'm a copywriter.

cut.

2009-07-15T23:52:00.003+07:00

cut.

nice and easy,
slowly and painfully.
oh don't worry,
it won't hurt.
my heart had broken,
and torn into pieces already.

blindspot.

2009-06-07T13:03:00.001+07:00

blindspot.

you missed me.

facts hurt.

2009-05-08T20:07:00.003+07:00

facts hurt.

i know i'm not the one you need.

that's why i keep giving you what you want.

a crisis.

2009-04-23T13:59:00.008+07:00

a crisis.

i know who i am and what i want.

i am something,
but i haven't got a chance to prove that i'm not nothing.

yet.

heartache.

2009-04-11T11:52:00.004+07:00

heartache.

you get things and lost them so easily,
how can i leave my heart with you?

she said,

2009-04-04T10:01:00.002+07:00

she said,

"oh, you're such a pain in my heart."

the reunion.

2009-04-02T13:21:00.005+07:00

the reunion.

we met, we said hello, we shared a table,
unexpectedly.
we talked about things.
yes, we remembered everything.
like how much sugar you poured into your coffee,
or how i liked whipped-cream on my ice chocolate.
you smiled,
i laughed.
all the good years behind,
repeating at once.
i caught a glimpse: you were staring at me.
like you used to do every time you told your dreams.
i knew what that means.
but i did not have to remind you:
we sit across each other now,
with someone else beside us.

is is.

2009-03-22T19:50:00.001+07:00

is is.

is saying goodbye better than not saying it at all?

your lost.

2009-03-14T12:25:00.002+07:00

your lost.

i am deserved to be loved.
pardon me,
but, yes i am.

frengers.

2009-03-07T23:46:00.004+07:00

frengers.

not quite a friend,
not quite a stranger.
we are (not) strangers,
we are friends.

dedicated to re, dien, gilang, adnan, senni, gema, yuda.
for the love of bandung and us!

oh you, fuck you.

2009-03-04T16:57:00.002+07:00

oh you, fuck you.

'fuck' has never been so ambiguously confusing before.
oh well, fuck you.

"monster at heart"

into you.

2009-02-24T14:34:00.003+07:00

into you.

oh, melt my heart and let it lead to your ocean.
i will meet you at the end of the world,
because i only belong to you.

the good and the better.

2009-02-19T14:34:00.004+07:00

the good and the better.

i know that you're too good for me,
but you know i'm way better than her.

randomly perfect.

2009-02-17T20:55:00.002+07:00

randomly perfect.

it doesn't have to be with the right people,
or the right time.
sometimes all we need is a random opportunities.
a perfect randomness.

ciwidey, 17/02/09
with dien, ilham, resna, and adnan.

ein anfang.

2009-02-14T11:36:00.000+07:00

ein anfang.

i decided to move my previous blog the beautiful solitude, and start writing here.

i am a monster at my heart. and so you are.

.